MINUTES WITH MANAW

This is a letter written to Matt while he was teaching at Georgetown, prep in Washington DC.        He was at the time on a spiritual journey seeking God. 

Dear Matt, 

I am at your mother’s bar, watching her make chicken stew (with no mayonnaise or sour cream).  Mickey is shagging balls on the 17th hole. Nancy and I are discussing our children. From your email last night it sounds like you don’t have much time to waste. It sounds like you feel like I’ve felt so many times. So – I would like to philosophize a bit. It dawned on me one day, as I was trying to do my best with all that had to be done, that surely God would have only one thing for me to do at any one moment, and only one place for me to be. And if I were in that place, doing that thing, I could let the rest go until his time for me to do the next thing. This is true for you too.

You hear a lot about God‘s will and God‘s plan for your life. Many would say that whatever vocation was His will, you won’t be happy doing anything else. I think He does know where your best life’s work would be, but I believe that His will is primarily more about the person you are becoming. If we ask the Father to guide us in using whatever gifts and talents He has given us, He will use it to benefit others, and be fulfilling to us, no matter our vocation.

Matt, there are days when who you are teaches more than the text you prepare. This is not to condone laziness and young people need to know the truth of “gain through pain“, the “stretching of oneself“, and other motivational hype. But there is despair in never being able to get a job done. Sometimes you do what you can, and stop! (notice I did not say quit. Stop is more acceptable). Being all used up is not what you were created for. What we become in our attempt to do what we can is what is important. 

Mother Theresa herself cannot even get it all done. But in the process, she is “becoming“ and enabling others to “become“. Becoming what? You ask?  Becoming what we were created for. To have fellowship with God! To know him better! And to love him more!

He may not let you go through the valley, be thrown in a pit like Joseph, be fed to the lions like Daniel, or find yourself in a morass of uncertainty – but He will be with you, renew you, and give you his Presence that make for an easy yoke and a light burden. Just talk to him.

I came to understand about this relationship when we lived in Knoxville Tennessee. I was teaching at Bell House School (the oldest school in Knoxville). It was on main street. My students mostly lived upstairs over store buildings. I had only one child who was not on free lunch. It was a difficult situation – combination of grades, three and four. This particular morning I went into the school office before school, as I usually did. There were other teachers, a parent or two, and a couple of delivery people in there. When the school secretary (a former WWII WAK) called me over and she immediately dressed me down! (Military style!)  She said I was a “stab in the back traitor to our principal”. I was “not a team player”. And I did not “go through the proper channels.”   I was blindsided, nauseated, and I had no idea what she was talking about. I left the office, wanting to be swallowed up and never heard from again. I was too sick to ask for a sub. I was too crushed to ask about the situation. (I did find out at the end of the day. See the PS.)

As I walked home from the bus stop in the afternoon, I was still reeling from the humiliation of the morning. All my mind could think of was – “I am innocent! I am innocent! I am innocent!”

I was stopped in my tracks at that moment. The cross (certainly not to equate my episode with the cross of course), but in that moment I knew that Calvary was different from all the other crucifixions. I knew that the nails, the piercing of His side, the crown of thorns, nor the terrible scourging killed Christ.  I knew it was there at that one moment in history, that God himself as Christ, reached back in time and forward into the future. He assumed, (put on himself) all the destructive forces which were our sins of humanity. Bearing the result of evil – He died as a human.   “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”

Well, at that moment, the Earth became dark, the veil in the temple was torn.  Salvation, for those who believed, was accomplished. The schism of perfection (deity) bearing all humanity and depravity for all-time past and all-time to come, was the real death of Jesus. He was not “slumming for a season” when he, God left heaven, and came to earth as Jesus. The cross says that whatever we have to go through (grief, sorrow, despair, malice, injustice, rejection, loneliness, humiliation, fear, weirdness, or pain) we are not alone! He has already suffered all of it for each of us individually. This is not the end of the story. The resurrection says that Grace is greater than our sin. God will overcome evil!

Some do not choose to receive the benefit of the cross. Some are too proud and “don’t need it”. Some are waiting until they understand. Some feel that their best is good enough. But our best is never good enough. He does not want a résumé from you, but he wants a relationship that accomplishes his purpose. God wants you to have rest and joy.   “For I know the plans I have for you”, saith the Lord, “plans for your welfare, not of evil, and hope for your future.” Jeremiah 29:11. 

Matt, you are in a consuming and rewarding profession. It requires monitoring and adjusting along the way. You need to look at what you are becoming in the process – depleted or renewed? It is probably some of both. Do the things expected of you (by yourself and about others) make you more, or less effective? It may be time to say “I can” to some things and “I can’t” or “I won’t” to others.

You are so blessed everyone is drawn to you, and this may lead to an attempt to be everything to all people. That is neither possible nor good for them. Society today sometimes pushes and pushes with pressures of various sorts. Many turn to drugs, or quit all together because they can’t live up to expectations. Some are totally unmotivated, and some are even striving for the undoable. Each of us needs the Lord to help us find the right balance.

I have rattled on enough. Mickey is waiting to walk and the mail is waiting for this letter.  I love you, 

Betty

p.s.   Here is the explanation of what happened that day at Bell House School! 

All new elementary teachers were required to take an orientation course at the district office one day a week after school for several weeks. It was led by the elementary school supervisor who visited our classrooms periodically.  On one of his visits he offered to send me workbooks for the reading series if I wanted him to. I was thrilled and accepted his offer. The workbooks came in that morning when I went to the office. The school secretary had been ‘left out of the loop.’  Not bad as all that, but it had been taken care of without her involvement.  She was furious! It turns out that my principal, dear Mrs. Prince, who also taught sixth grade, was actually very delighted for me.